Friday, December 30, 2005

Monday, December 26, 2005

Company Policy

As an over worked employee, I know...

Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. Personal Days Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, and
alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Yuletide Spirits

'Tis that time of the year.

Happy vibes to ye all!

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Nonbass Returns

People! Finally, (like really finally) just a few hours before I land in Chennai, I thought I'll put up at least one post in this magnificent blog. It's provided me hours of entertainment, and sadly the only contribution I've made is change my blog name (It's a long story.I'll tell you later.)

The title sounds like it's a really bad sequel to a superhero movie, but hey, you get the point. I'm back in India for 5 weeks, 4 of which will be spent in Chennai. Couple of weddings to attend, family reunion, catching up with friends, and of course, severe partying with copious quantities of everything. For you guys, this'll probably be like an extended version of your average weekend. For me, it's a much needed holiday.

I don't have any of your numbers, so I'll just land up at Studio on Thursday, bald head and all. And the fun and games will begin. Looking forward to seeing you all.

Oh, btw, I'm typing this in Singapore, at the airport. This is now truly a global blogal...

Monday, December 12, 2005


happy birthday superstar

Friday, December 09, 2005

Rest in Peace, Ola....

In a legal argument by Senator George Graham Vest:

"The best friend a man has in this world may turn against him and become his enemy. His son or daughter that he has reared with loving care may prove ungrateful. Those who are nearest and dearest to us, those whom we trust with our happiness and our good name, may become traitors to their faith. The money that a man has, he may lose. It flies away from him, perhaps when he needs it most.

A man's reputation may be sacrificed in a moment of ill-considered action. The people who are prone to fall on their knees to do us honor when success is with us may be the first to throw the stone of malice when failure settles its clouds upon our heads. The one absolutely unselfish friend that a man can have in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him and the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous is his dog.

Gentlemen of the jury, a man's dog stands by him in prosperity and in poverty, in health and in sickness. He will sleep on the cold ground, where the wintry winds blow and the snow drives fiercely, if only he may be near his master's side.

He will kiss the hand that has no food to offer. He will lick the wounds and sores that come in encounters with the roughness of the world. He guards the sleep of his pauper master as if he were a prince. When all other friends desert, he remains. When riches take wings and reputation falls to pieces, he is as constant in his love as the sun in its journey through the heavens.

If fortune drives the master forth an outcast in the world, friendless and homeless, the faithful dog asks no higher privilege than that of accompanying him to guard against danger, to fight against his enemies, and when the last scene of all comes and death takes the master in its embrace and his body is laid away in the cold ground, no matter if all other friends pursue their way, there by his graveside will the noble dog be found, his head between his paws, his eyes sad but open in alert watchfulness, faithful and true even to death."

Saturday, December 03, 2005

If you like Star Wars, run like hell...

Here is a fine "adaptation" of our favorite space epic. You'll need flash. Pictures from the movie with captions. Hilariously gross to hilariously disgusting. You'll never look at Chewie the same again...

Friday, December 02, 2005

The Doors of Perception - Aldous Huxley

december the second

ok.nursery rhyme time
rain rain go away
bikang and india want to play
rain rain go away
sri lanka also wants to play
rain rain go away
sachin wants to play and so does caddy
rain rain go away
come again another day

Loom - Miles_Gurtu

I got to hear the song 'Loom' from the album 'Miles_Gurtu' by Robert Miles and Trilok Gurtu with Jon Thorne on Bass. I have been repeatedly playing this song non-stop for 2 days now! Haven't done that since '1-2 Beaucoup' from Glimpse by Trilok Gurtu.


Thursday, December 01, 2005